Mathew Michael Lueck
Mathew Michael Lueck
This is my only son, Mathew Michael Lueck. He was a GHB addict. GHB took him from us on June 2, 2009. The sum of Mathew’s life was so much more than the last few years when he lost his way. He was a wonderful son, a loving brother, a caring grandson, and a good friend.
Mathew was his own man even as a baby. He came into this world on his own terms. He chose the time and decided to arrive a month early on April 26, 1978, joining his big sister, Jessica, making our family complete. He had a happy, carefree childhood. Throughout his life, Mathew was always surrounded by friends because he was such a giving, loving person.
As a skinny, 145 pound, 19 year old, Mathew decided to start seriously working out. Over the next few years, he frequented health food stores to find “natural”, “safe” ways to help him achieve his goal. It was then that he was introduced to GHB. He thought it was great. He knew a lot of people at the gym using it. Then, with work issues and the economy stressing him out, he started using GHB first as a sleep aid, then to wake up, and then to just get through the day.
Last year, Mathew, checked himself into Sierra Tucson, a renowned rehab center for 30 days. At the end of that time, the staff was confident that Mathew was ready to go home. His dad was with him the entire time supporting Mathew in any way that he could.
There were many bumps on Mathew’s road to recovery but he always tried to pull himself up and start over. Without a job, having to accept financial help from family was very difficult. Mathew was a very proud man. He was always the one to offer help, not the one on the receiving end. At the end, Mathew thought things were finally falling into place. He had a plan and could see some light at the end of the dark tunnel that he had been traveling through. He was hopeful and ready to start life again. It broke our hearts that Mathew never got that chance.
In one of my last e-mails to Mathew, I quoted a book that I read to my students… “Mathew, I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.” Mathew, as long as we’re living, you always be our son, Jessica’s brother, a loving grandson and a cherished friend. We will miss you always.
Lynn Lueck
We are still waiting for the toxicology report from the medical examiner’s office. Regardless of the final cause of Mathew’s death (whether GHB overdose, multiple drug overdose or whatever determination) -- in my heart, I know that GHB killed him.
Please take some time and read “G’d Up 24/7: The GHB Addiction Guide.” It provides information for addicts, their families and medical professionals who may have to deal with GHB addiction cases like Mathew’s. I wish we had read it sooner. I don’t want any other mother to have to bury the love of her life like I did.
This is a copy of the message Mathew sent to his parents, along with this letter--a letter he had written while in treatment. His words provide powerful insight into the wonderful promise and the tragic failure of GHB as a “friend,” a theme echoed by many GHB addicts in their poetry, postings on the Project GHB Addiction Message Board and emails to Project GHB. It seems too good, and then it hurts so bad.
“Mom & Dad,
I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate everything you have done for me. I wanted to share a letter I wrote in group to express how I feel and release me from my addiction.
Love you, Matt”
To GHB
I miss the way you make me feel when I’m stressed or worried, occupied or bored, or when I’m tired and cannot sleep. You were my friend when I was down. You allowed me to escape the reality I was afraid to face even if it was just for a short period of time and the courage to do things I normally wouldn’t do without you.
What I don’t miss about you is the way you make me act especially since I do not realize it. For lying to my family, my friends and especially myself about my relationship with you. I don’t miss the car accidents, waking up without the clarity to know the time, the day, the date, or sometimes even where I was.
I am angry at you for the person you turned me into when I was using. You made me a liar, a hypocrite, a bad friend and a bad person. You made me careless with my life and the lives of others that I love and care for and for that I will never forgive you.
Every night I was with you, there was the chance I wouldn’t wake up and because of you there were times I wish I didn’t, or just didn’t care. I am angry at you for the time you stole from me that I will never get back and for the most part, I’m ashamed to remember. I am angry at you because now I’m an addict and that will never change. I am angry at you for making me see my father cry for the first time in my life because he thought he was going to lose me to you or even worse to lose my life to you.
I apologize to people I hurt like my family and friends; to those I took on the ride with me that didn’t even know it at the time. I apologize for you to myself for convincing myself I didn’t have a problem and continuing to use, day to day and month to month. Life is just a string of moments and I’ll never really know how much of it you actually took but I promise from this point on, you’ll never be a part of my life ever again.
Matt
